Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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