We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bring me that man meat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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