I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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