he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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