everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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