im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
false alarm. still invincible.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
