Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
