dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
