i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
