When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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