so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
