Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize