So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
