we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
