She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The struggles of a small town man whore
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