does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
