I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
