Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
