Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
