I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
