matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
love makes seman taste better
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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