Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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