We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
