Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

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(248): View more from Michigan

After last night, I could never be a politician.

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(614): View more from Ohio

She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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(214): View more from Texas

yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning

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(954): View more from Florida

It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.

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(618): View more from Illinois

he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

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(207): View more from Maine

He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night

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(320): View more from Minnesota

DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.

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