Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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