when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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