If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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