Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize