Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
