You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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