you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
