I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
