made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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