omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
