Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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