My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
