He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
