if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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