and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
