Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize