when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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