I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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