Yo dont text me then not text me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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