Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Still dying that you shit outside
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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