so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
