Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
