Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
