How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
