he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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