Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
