Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
