i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
