i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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