real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
