stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
two words: eviction party
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
