Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
