i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
