We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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