That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
