it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I am morally bankrupt
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize