Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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