come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
