wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
