'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
