hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
