He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
