oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
