I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
