I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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