Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This baby is an asshole
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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