Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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