Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
