i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
