Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
