I wish my penis had an off switch
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
