before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
