Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
