did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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