you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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