just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
