Don't make out with my wife yet
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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