Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
