Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
