i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
