According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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