susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
