Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
