She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
