I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I want is dick and wine.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize