Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
