i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize