Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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