Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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