Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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