Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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