I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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