One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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