sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
