Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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