I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
