i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
