I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
