Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Still dying that you shit outside
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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