Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
