life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
