My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
