last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
