god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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